It is so hard to make a film, let alone a good one. These are noteworthy Hollywood titles that failed spectacularly.
TURKEY OF THE YEAR
Snow White (2025) Directed by Marc Webb – Already so much has been said about the many ways this Live Action Disney Remake went wrong, starting with the fact that it’s another Live Action Disney Remake. This smashed that low bar into the grave if not for Lilo & Stitch coming out weeks later to become 2025’s biggest blockbuster. Glad to see the hate turn away from the talented Rachel Zegler, the film’s one bright spot. The poorly cast Gal Gadot and her career has gone noticeably quiet. Most shocking to me wasn’t the dwarves, not just poorly designed but their personalities were all wrong, including Dopey being bullied into silence by his brothers. No, the big surprise is that this had so many new songs and changes to the old ones it’s clear they were planning to bring this to Broadway in the near future.
TURKEY OF THE DECADE
Pinocchio (2022) Directed by Robert Zemeckis – When I had the idea for this post, I didn’t look ahead to see what the picks would be. I’ve gotten pretty good at avoiding terrible movies, so it was either this or Dolittle (2020), and I have seen Space Jam 2 and Artemis Fowl. They’re not as bad as Pinocchio. Following a couple of lower-profile duds this could/should kill Zemeckis’ career deader than Tom Hooper after Cats (another better movie). The choices here are so atrocious, I have to consider Zemeckis did some of them to subversively end this type of filmmaking. The classic songs are mostly replaced by new tunes from the team that worked on The Polar Express. The script is downright atrocious, with some scenes written like a legal argument and others that will insult children with their simple stupidity.
TURKEY OF THE CENTURY
The Grinch (2000) Directed by Ron Howard – Once again anything Disney can do, Universal can also do but worse. An aggressively dark and angry “comedy” that made me wonder what was good about the original short, or movies. Excessively excessive in every department. Also considered Tom Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, which would’ve created too much of a pattern, and Shawn Levy’s Date Night, which is not just unfunny but incomprehensible.
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